Parshas Vayera 5767

Commentary by Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum

---

Our forefather Abraham was the paradigm of loving-kindness. Yet, kindness must not be practiced indiscriminately, according to one’s whims; rather it must follow the will of G-d. This, too, is learned from the life of Abraham.

Abraham’s hospitality was legendary. The Midrash describes his tent as having doors on all four sides to be able to quickly accommodate guests coming from any direction.

Three days after circumcising himself at age ninety-nine, Abraham’s main concern was to search out people who might be in need of food and lodging. Abraham was not satisfied merely assisting those who approached him. He would actively pursue opportunities to help others.

The Torah relates how when Abraham saw three simple nomads in the distance, he ran towards them to offer his hospitality. He invited them into his tent to rest a bit and to eat a little. When they followed him home, however, Abraham had a full course banquet prepared for them.

Yet as great as Abraham’s hospitality may have been, he had to contend with a society that was literally the antithesis of everything he represented. The cities of Sodom and Gomorah were infamous for their cruelty and greed. Hospitality was considered a grave offense. Charity was even worse.

Although the Sodomite conduct pained Abraham greatly, when G-d informed him that He was going to destroy Sodom, Abraham tried to bargain with G-d to save the city. He asked that the city be spared if there were only fifty righteous people to be found there. He then asked that they be spared if there were only forty, thirty, or even ten righteous people. When even ten people could not be found, Abraham understood that the city did not deserve to exist, and he stopped praying for them.

Later, when his son Ishmael was proving to be a negative influence on his son, Isaac, G-d ordered Abraham to follow the advice of his wife, Sarah, and send Ishmael away.

Likewise, when G-d ordered Abraham to offer the son for whom he had waited a hundred years, as a sacrifice on the altar, Abraham did not even argue. Only at the last moment, as he was preparing to slaughter Isaac did G-d intervene and tell him that He had only wanted to test Abraham’s trust in Him and that He had never intended for him to actually kill Isaac. Although this commandment was in direct opposition to Abraham’s kind disposition, his kindness was carefully measured according to the will of G-d and not merely the product of his disposition. This is the type of kindness that we are encouraged to emulate.

“I will fetch a morsel of bread so that you may sustain yourselves . . ..” (Gen. 18:5)

Rav Elazar Shach related an incident he was witness to. A poor person had been invited for the Shabbos meal to a prominent community member. Throughout the meal the host, who had a pleasant voice, insisted on singing all the Shabbos songs. At one point the guest complained, “When are we going to get to the next course already?”

The host looked at the poor man disgustedly and snapped, “Maybe you should show a little respect to your host!”

The hostess turned to her husband and said softly, “Shloime, did you invite the fellow for a lesson in respect, to enjoy your voice, or to eat a meal!”

“She was right,” Rav Shach remarked. “A person who wants to show kindness must remember the recipient’s needs, not his own needs.”

Did You Know...

In the Ashkenazic communities it is customary to hold a wedding ceremony outside, under the stars. This is reminiscent of G-d’s blessing to Abraham that his children should be as plentiful as the stars. Although one should not deviate from the accepted custom, some authorities permit holding the ceremony inside to avoid strife. Some people hold the ceremony inside a building, under an open skylight, which is also acceptable.

It is not necessary to hold the ceremony outside for a second marriage.

Some authorities also require the chuppa (canopy) to be made of material rather than flowers. This is reminiscent of the groom spreading his garment over his bride. For that reason the groom should formally “acquire” the canopy in order for it to be considered his own.